They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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