yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
