Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
