Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
