do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
