I bet he comes in French.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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