omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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