I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
