As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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