Quick, to the slutcave!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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