yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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