i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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