he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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