Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
