yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
