He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
