There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
