the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
