Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My feet surprised me
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