id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
