That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
