I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
