I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
