No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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