they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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