Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
