her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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