I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
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I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
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I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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