just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
