so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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