the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
