To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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