You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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