remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
