I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is my gift to your gina
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
