no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
