Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
