lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
