the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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