How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
