I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
