If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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