Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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