In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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