Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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