your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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