What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
