At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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