I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize