real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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