so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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