Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
