What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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