the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
