I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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