i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
