So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
