The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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