I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
