i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
