so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
