There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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