You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
