R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
