would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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