WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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