i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
