please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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