fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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