Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
