i think my tv is drunk
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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