haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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