yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
