Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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