So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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