They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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