I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
