its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
