I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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