Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
