ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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